A BITTER START FOR A BETTER LIFE

My parents separated when i was very young, it was quite painful. That pain was with me and I carried it all the way until I become a mother myself, and I got separated too after thirteen years of marriage to my only boyfriend who was ten years older than me. I was depressed as the psychiatrist described it as " Masked depression", I lost my job, I lost the house which I had paid for years through salary deduction, I left my sons I thought I had lost everything the worst thing is I lost the feeling of being a mother to my sons, my 3 sons. I got married at the age of 19 , my eldest son was born after 4 years , then the two boys came with a gap of one year. Life was really so hard for me not knowing on how to become a mother to my sons, since i grew up not having my own mother beside me but when my eldest was born my first achievement was being able to compose a lullaby for him.... I would sing it for him, for them when they were babies. i never wanted to be separated from their father or they would grew up not having their father beside them, I never wanted to end that marriage... but sometimes as the song says...Some good things never last....When I left my kids under the care of my in laws I felt I was relieved from heavy responsibilities, like I was free, free from the burden of waking up in the morning dressing and preparing them to school. At last I was by myself, I can go where I want to go without having to think about them, I would only see them during weekends and return them on Sundays. But after awhile I begin to remember my father, my father who took good care of us, 5 children with different personalities, him being alone even if he dropped and sulked himself with beer anytime he wants to, yet he was their for us, he never left us, he pretended to be strong for us even at night he calls his own mothers name for help. My father made everything possible, he was never an ideal father but the truth was he thought me the best lesson in life..".no matter how hard life can be when your alone raising your kids...never forget to say you need help from your Creator, pray, pray, patience and more patience, the best love you can give your children is the love that comes from heaven....from the heart. I brought home my youngest with me after one year of separation, then the second and the eldest was home when he finished his elementary. When they were all back into my arms it was like starting over again, i nagged them about grades about household chores, about their playing computer habits, yet I am trying my best to be a good mother for them, the best part of growing up with them is knowing i know and I am ready to face my fears. I don't have a stable job that can give them the comforts in life but I am proud that they never asked me to buy them the latest trend in shoes or shirts or pants, and that's the best part for a mother who has no budget for such things, luckily God is good my sister spoils them in everything, and she spoils me too, my brother would give them branded shoes that was given to him too, only the youngest would murmur because his feet is too small...Life is tough and it can get worse but a painful past can never help you from moving on... leave and bury your pain pray everyday.., my father ...my hero...my life...my sons